maybe we dream to change the way that we feel

I have officially used my first invite to set up ahundredindecisions, the locked RL tl;dr version of my life, so if you are interested feel free to follow, but no obligation of course, I'm using it mostly for my own benefit. =)

So far everyone I know that wants an invite will get one through an openID account, but I am saving the rest of my invites in case someone fell through the cracks.

This entry was originally posted at http://khloidanikos.dreamwidth.org/2418.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

As soon as open beta starts and/or I get my hands on some invite codes, I'm going to register a second account, and I'm debating between a couple names. I've had the urge, lately, to write at great length about, well, everything, and I want to keep a personal flocked somewhat tl;dr journal for it. Once I get it set up I'll let you know what account name I end up with, in case you're interested. If not, don't worry about it, mostly I just want to ramble to myself. No need for an audience. =)

This entry was originally posted at http://khloidanikos.dreamwidth.org/2064.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Last night was the last concert band performance of the year, and my final performance in Kobacker hall. I can't help but feel that this is very much an ending for me. I've given four years of my life to this school, to this music program, to that stage. I know I'll come back for other concerts (starting tonight, and not ending anytime in the near future), but I'll never play there again. I don't think I ever realised how much Kobacker had become a part of me until I was faced with the prospect of only seeing it from one side, for the rest of my life. I've run all over that hall, often barefoot, often outside of concert times. I've sat in the front row of the mezzanine watching our philharmonia and the TSO play Beethoven's fifth, I've lurked backstage while other groups played, waiting for my turn, I've almost passed out in the middle of rehearsal there. I've sat in the side arm of the mezzanine crying at a men's chorus concert. I've been there for endless band concerts, lots of choral concerts, been in the audience for many philharmonia concerts, been there for college convocation, with my cousin for music discovery day this year, with my mum and baby cousin for myself five years ago. I've waited in lines to get professors' signatures for recital attendance, I've ushered there. I've sat with my parents, with my friends, with Jess's parents, with strangers, by myself. It's a huge part of my life here, and I haven't even touched on Bryan recital hall, which is practically my living room, I've had so many classes there. Thursday will be my last rehearsal ever in our band room, and Monday will be my last class in our choral rehearsal hall. Today is my last game. I want to come back for a fifth marching season so badly, but I absolutely have to go.

Transferring is breaking my heart, but staying would have killed me. Either way, it's hard.

This entry was originally posted at http://khloidanikos.dreamwidth.org/1971.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

It's really weird to think that I'll probably never play on Kobacker stage again. I didn't even think about the fact that this was my last concert at BG until my mother brought it up, but powers, I could barely hold myself together after it was over. I was shaking so hard, with the combination of the caffeine from the excedrin I had to take before it, the adrenaline, and the heartache from everything ending. Tomorrow is the spring football game, which I've never gone to before but I won't have another chance to go to a game and I really have to now. What breaks me the most is that I won't graduate from this school, so I probably won't qualify for alumni band. Why don't you just tear out my heart and stomp on it, eh? It would be kinder. =(

This entry was originally posted at http://khloidanikos.dreamwidth.org/1690.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Today was the second time this semester that I had health problems flare up in the middle of my last rehearsal onstage before a band concert, though luckily I didn't almost pass out this time. That was distinctly unfun. Instead I got the braindeath and confusion of a migraine prodrome, and it was just weird. Anything that I didn't have a visual or physical grip on just wouldn't process in my brain; I miscounted measures of rest everywhere, even in Aegean Festival Overture with the cracked up time signatures where I could look at every measure as it happened, and I couldn't remember a key signature to save my life. Luckily I took a couple painkillers and killed the fucker before it got a good grip on me, so I should be fine for the concert tomorrow. I really should have realised it was coming with the light sensitivity over my lunch break, but it was really bright outside so I wasn't concerned. Which really is a perfect example of how I need to pay attention to what my body is telling me, and also to stay away from dairy, even more than usual, because my digestive system hates me.

You know, usually at this time of the semester I am freaking out about classes, but for some reason I seem to have pretty much nothing going on this time around (other than my body being angry at me in various ways). I can't say I'm upset about it, certainly.

Oh, also! My mother got me a babysitting gig for the summer, so I don't have to freak out so much about getting a job! \o/

This entry was originally posted at http://khloidanikos.dreamwidth.org/1522.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Waaaay back when fandom was first threatening to make a mass exodus from LJ to insanejournal, I registered musicianatheart to reserve my name there. With the crossposting feature here, I figure I may as well set this to post over there as well, mostly just to create a mirror and to try out the crossposter. Well, let's see how it goes. =D

This entry was originally posted at http://khloidanikos.dreamwidth.org/1110.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

I'm musicianatheart from eljay, and I made this to reserve my name on here incase fandom makes a mass exodus. I don't think it'll actually happen, at least not to here, but some people are jumping ship already and it's always good to be able to keep in touch. I won't be updating this much, but I'll be around.